Searing Dedication For A Dead Body
by Aziord
Summary: Deidara is getting tired of mysterious dead bodies appearing on his doorstep.


Deidara stared down at the body sitting on his doorstep with a deadpan expression.

At this point, Deidara wasn't even perturbed, seeing as this was the third dead person to show up in this week alone. He was getting rather tired of seeing the bloodstains soak into the wood of his porch. Then again, he wasn't about to put in the extra effort to scrub out said bloodstains, so every morning he would have to deal with their clashing aesthetic with his decor. Maybe he'd ask Kisame if there was some water jutsu he could do to fix his floorboards or something.

Sighing, Deidara bent down to grab one of the lifeless man's arms, hauling the body over his shoulder one fluid motion.

Stumbling a tad at the hefty weight, Deidara climbed down the stairs, intent on blowing it up somewhere in the forest outside. His jutsus were rather handy for disposing bodies.

It was probably Kisame making him do all this damn work because he didn't want to get rid of the body himself. Or maybe Hidan was playing a cruel joke on Kakuzu by getting Deidara to essentially explode his money to smithereens.

Deidara paused halfway into the treeline at that. Maybe he should've kept the bodies, just in case. Unlike Hidan, he was rather prone to dying at Kakuzu's hand.

Glancing at the body thrown over his shoulder, Deidara frowned. The minimal bleeding that did come from the body didn't look like the handy work of Hidan or Kakuzu. In fact, it seemed that there was only a single, shallow cut on the center of the man's back. Hardly a life threatening wound.

Frowning, Deidara wracked his mind for who could've actually killed the man. Everyone he thought of automatically was crossed out. The only way he could've died with such small wounds would be if -

Deidara's scowl deepened. Goddammit.

Rather unceremoniously, Deidara dumped the body from his shoulder onto the forest floor. He's deal with later - for now he needed to go yell at a certain redheaded asshole.

After a brisk walk to across from where Deidara lived, he stopped in front of a thin door, brooding as he knocked harshly.

A moments pause passed before the door slid open, an unimpressed stare fixing itself upon Deidara.

"What do you want?" Sasori deadpanned.

Deidara crossed his arms, glowering. "I want to know why you keep leaving dead bodies on my doorstep."

Something akin to surprise flickered across Sasori's face for half a second before he faded back into his jaded expression. "I have no idea what you're talking about, blondie," he stated.

"Bullshit," Deidara bit out. "You're the only one who uses poisons. Stop trying to make me clean up your solo work."

Sasori paused, emotions flashing across his face in rapidfire succession. "That's, well, that's not what I-" he started.

Deidara's eyes flew to his hairline in astonishment. Was Sasori stuttering?

Coughing to clear his voice, the redhead turned his gaze to the floor. "They're gifts."

So that's what it was - Deidara has to be in a genjutsu. That Uchiha prick was pranking him right now. He should've used his right eye better this morning, then this wouldn't have happened.

"So what, like a cat bringing it's owner dead birds?" Deidara played along. Might as well make the most of humiliating genjutsu Sasori while it lasted.

Sasori glanced back up, frowning deeply. "Don't mock me you asshole, you're wasting my time anyhow." He made a move to shut the door, action halting when Deidara stuck his arm between the frame and door.

"Move your arm or I'll cut it off for you," Sasori hissed, glaring daggers at the blond.

"Oh come on, you left me the bodies for a reason other than to just be a dick, apparently. Let me inside or talk out here," Deidara jeered, smirk plastered on his face.

Sasori grumbled something in response, but otherwise left the door open, shuffling further into the house.

Smirking to himself, Deidara wandered inside the dimly lit house, glancing around at the spare doll parts littering the ground in just about every corner of each room. He doesn't often go into Sasori's house, but every time he does, he's still surprised by the disorder the other lived in.

"So what, you got a crush on me or somethin', that's why you're leaving me things?" Deidara called to the other's retreating back as a joke. Of course Sasori knew he was fucking around.

Instead though, the redhead froze midstep.

"Holy shit," Deidara said aloud, staring wide-eyed at the other's rigid posture. No way. He must be connecting something wrong in his mind, because there's no way Sasori -

"Get out, Deidara."

The blond let out a dry, disbelieving laugh. "What? Why would I-"

Deidara flinched as senbon sailed across the room and implanted itself in the wall right next to his ear, hardly millimeters away from nicking him. Okay, he should probably leave. As much as Sasori made threats, he typically never acted on them.

"Right, okay, I'm leaving. But, y'know, as the almost no-longer-teenager I am, I'm totally down for makeouts whenever," At this point, he might've been rubbing too much salt in the would. Genjutsu or no, he would jeer the other about this for as long as they remained partners.

Who was he kidding? There was no way he was in a genjutsu, his eye was too trained to even be stuck in that asshole Uchiha's one.

Hearing the clack of wood instead of a verbal response, Deidara dove for the door, least he end up like the body currently lieing abandoned on the forest floor.


End file.
